A Crack in the Wall

 

A Crack in the Wall

Oil on canvas, 45"x45"

This is a new and very different sort of painting for me.  Rather than just post it and say "new work, here ya go", I think it needs some discussion.

Several years ago, I was doing a photo session with one of my regular models.  We had been having fun, making photos that I could use for artworks, going through a variety of themes for her to play with, when I suggested "how about something defensive?"  She got down on the floor and curled up into this ball.  It hit me like a gut punch: she wasn't imagining what it was like, she was reliving something that had already happened to her.  It was unnerving and I changed the theme to something lighter.  

She didn't explain what had happened to her, but some time later, I learned something about it.  Yes, it was bad.  I couldn't just walk away from this raw experience, though.  I did a charcoal and pastel work from it and it has been in a few exhibitions.  It has always gotten strong responses from women.  And I have wanted to make it a much larger painting ever since.

What held me back?  Maybe the fear of not doing justice to it.  What she showed me was her response to a very personal infliction of violence.  And what the viewers of the pastel artwork who talked to me later showed me was that this was a very wide-spread experience.  Way too many women have been subjected to physical, mental, and sexual violence.  I wanted to honor those experiences in a way that helps others to see that they're not alone.  

Finally, I realized that if this painting was ever going to get made, I had to get off my ass and make it.  So I got busy.  I made a small study in oil on paper and worked out the composition and color scheme, then stretched the canvas and dove in.  It took several weeks, much experiementation, and many layers to get it to where it said what it needed to say.  

The next step is to get it exhibited.  Don't know where that will be yet.  Will let you know.

And the title, "A Crack in the Wall"?  I'm not so sure about that one.  I'm not very good at titles.  Got a better suggestion?